I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
