When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
