If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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