I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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