best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.