She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.