he thought i was a dude.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.