Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?