is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.