we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.