is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
