Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I could fuck to npr.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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