I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
