what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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