We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
