I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
