Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
