I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
