Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
