Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
