I want to have your abortion
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
