just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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