i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
they need to just BURY HIM!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
