now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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