very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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