I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
