So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
