you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
