dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
