I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
