You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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