so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hate all girls vehemently.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
