you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
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Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize