The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
zippers are such a cool invention
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
