whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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