I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
