Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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