i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
