hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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