Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
