Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
