When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
