I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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