Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
