I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You took a bar mat shot.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
