so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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