Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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