I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
