I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
