sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
