I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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