If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
