at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
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I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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