Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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