You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
