I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
