last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
