Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
