Umm I'm too high to move.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
