I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
