I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize