Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm experimenting with sincerity
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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