I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my liver is dry heaving
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
