I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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