i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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