Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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