all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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