Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
