HIV tests are more positive than that guy
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
