remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So much rum. So many feels.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
