let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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