I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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