I just threw up on my dentist
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
