Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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