A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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