i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
