you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The power of my boobs compel you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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