Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
